Strawberry Ice Cream & Brown Shoes

Article published in Centralia Sentinel about Dr. Mandy Neeble's Book - Strawberry Ice Cream & Brown Shoes (Those Left Behind By Suicide).

A former local resident who has built a career in psychology on the West Coast is now a published author and hopes her personal story of loss can help create a better dialogue about suicide.

Dr. Mandy Neeble is an 1997 graduate of Centralia High School who completed her doctorate in forensic psychology after a fascination for the working of the mind which she has held most of her life.

My doctorate is in forensic psychology because I was intrigues with the criminal mentality,  U knew I wanted to get into forensics at the age of 12.  I was never one of those kids who wanted to be an astronaut and then something else the next day.  I knew I wanted to work with criminals and work within the forensic arena.  I went away to school for an academic program in psychology, but my passion was always forensics.  it was through that arena that I started working in dual diagnosis which i love.  Dual diagnosis involves some form of drug and alcohol abuse coupled with criminal mindset," Neeble said.

Almost concurrent with her burgeoning desire to pursue a career in psychology, Neeble's world was rocked when her grandfather committed suicide.

"I was about the same age that my grandpa took his life.  I cam to realize it that I had never dealt with his suicide, so I began writing this book about where people's minds can go toward denial and depression.  It's called Strawberry Ice Cream and Brown Shoes: Those Left Behind by Suicide' because those were his last words before he took his own life," she explained.  "He was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and was living with my uncle at the time because he was unable to live by himself,  That day he had one of the best mornings he had ever had.  My uncle was getting ready to leave, and my grandfather said he wanted him to get some strawberry ice cream and he wanted to go to church so he asked my uncle to pick him up some brown shoes.  As my uncle was leaving, my grandfather yelled, 'Don't forget the strawberry ice cream and brown shoes.'"

Neeble said the tragic even had a profound affect on her and her family, one with which she did not truly deal with until recent years.  As she worked through the lingering emotions brought about by the suicide, she came to realize that the grieving process was different from what one feels about a loved one who has died of natural causes, an illiness, or an accident.

Suicide Occurs Every 16 Minutes
"According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, it is estimated that in the U.S., one person dies by suicide every 16 minutes claiming more than 32,000 lives a year.  It is estimated that an attempt is made every 60-90 seconds with over 1 million people a year attempting to take their own life," Neeble said.  "Many individuals are nervous or scared about asking another individual if they are suicidal out of fear that they will put the thought into other's head.  However, most are relieved when asked if they are suicidal because it gives them the opportunity to ask for help and the validation that they so nee, that someone does care."

Studies of suicide, she said, have revealed some interesting statistics:
- Women attempt suicide three times as much as men, but men complete suicide at a rate four times that of women.
- Firearms are the leading method of suicide.
- The rate of suicide for men increases after age 65.
- The rate of suicide for women peaks between the ages of 45 and 54 and again after age 75.
- Suicide is more common among women who are single, divorces, recently separated, or widowed.

Risk factors include psychiatric disorders, past history of suicide attempts, genetic predisposition and family history of suicide or mental illness, impulsively, and demographics.

Neeble said that more than 90 percent of people who commit suicide have a diagnosable and treatable mental illness such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or anxiety disorders.  Males are more likely to commit suicide than females with Caucasian males representing the highest rate.

She outlines the five stages of grieving suicide as devastation, hollow, anger, acceptance, and healing.

"The book outlines my own personal struggles with the stages of grief brought about by a suicide, which are completely different from the normal stages of grief from bereavement.  One of the biggest things is that when suicide occurs in a family the members are taught to sweep it under the rug because it still has such a huge stigma.  The truth is that every 16 minutes someone dies as a result of suicide, but we don't hear about it with much prevalence because it;s been brushed aside by the family and not talked about, " Neeble said.  "I really had a hard time coping.  The first stage is what I call the devastation stage.  It's just a shock and you can't believe what has happened.  Then you move into a hollowed stage, which is just a period where you shut yourself off.  You're so lost and confused, and I stayed that way for a very long time.  When I was finishing my doctorate program, I started composing this book and it helped me heal.  I had never spoken to anyone about it. When I was working with addicts, I began talking with people who had lost someone to suicide.  It was the first time I acknowledged my grandfather's suicide, and i felt this amazing acceptance and healing.

While still a sensitive topic, the decision to publish her family's story was an easy one after realizing the positive impact it could have on the lives of others.

"It will be 18 years on March 18 since my grandfather committed suicide.  Two months ago when I told my family that I had written this book the reaction from half the family was 'How could you do this? This isn't something we talk about.'  The reaction from the other hald was 'I've been waiting for someone to bring up this topic.'  My goal is just to give a voice to all the victims of suicide.  When people suffer from suicide, it can tear a family apart.  Victims of suicide can be united by one vision, one voice, and one hope.  Suicide is preventable, and I want the victims to come out of the darkness and stand together.  I want people to know that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and the only way to do that is to give it a voice.  I hope when people read the book it can help foster acceptance, forgiveness, and healing" Neeble said.

First Work Dear To Heart
Neeble said the book will be out this spring and that she had some ideas in mind for a second psychology book.  Her first work, however, is the one closest to her heart.

"I waited until I had everything ready and got the copyright first so I didn't have to share it with someone else.  I sent the full manuscript to a company in New York and they loved it.  I've got a second one I'm working on called "The Three R's to Recovery' that is about drug addiction and alcohol abuse based on what I've seen in the last seven years of my work.  But this is the book that means the most to me personally.  I began working on it as more of  a journal .  It was strictly for me and my healing, and then it turned into an actual book.  The goal is to touch some one's life who has gone through tragedy," Neeble said.  "The devastation when your knees just buckle.  However, you are told [about the suicide] those words echo throughout your life.  In the hollow stage, you wonders what you could have done or what you missed before it happened.  It's also a realization that your life has changed and will never return to normal.  You then feel this intense and overwhelming anger.  Suicide is the most selfish act any human can do to but now you have an understanding of it.  The anger often comes out during the funeral.  Then you finally get to a place of peace and acceptance.  You realize you can have happiness.  That it is attainable and you can breathe and laugh and smile again.  Most people get to there and stop.  They don't get into the healing stage, and you can't do that until you acknowledge that suicide has occurred.  Then you can take back the power that suicide stole from you.  You can gain back closure by speaking about it."

She concluded, "Since I started doing lectures on it and writing a suicide prevention and awareness article every year for the holidays, I found that other people will open up to you about it.  For so long, you feel like no one else understands what it feels like, but when you meet someone else who has been affected by suicide there is an almost instantaneous bond that forms.  You realize someone does understand what you're going through.  That's what I want more people to do - to give suicide prevention an actual voice."

Article Written by:
Jason Silvey - Sentinel News Staff
Sunday, February 20, 2011